Hardwired
by Ticklogic
Summary: The rejected screenplay pages from the "Battlestar Galactica" Season One episode "You Can't Go Home Again".  Kara "Starbuck" Thrace tries to pilot a downed Cylon Raider- but finds that controlling a living ship is a ticklish situation.


EXT. RED MOON SURFACE - DAY

Kara makes her way through the haze of red dust swept up by the windstorm. She has a noticeable limp from her smashed knee, and she's struggling to make her way up the hill. She speaks to the heavens.

KARA  
>Lords, it's Kara Thrace. I'm running a little low on O2 and I could use a lucky break.<br>(beat)  
>No? Okay, just thought I'd mention it.<p>

She reaches higher ground. What she sees stops her in her tracks.

KARA  
>Oh, frak.<p>

In the valley below, it's the Cylon Raider she downed. The sleek attack ship seems out of commission, but Kara drops out of sight anyway.

Cursing under her breath, she looks around at her desolate environment. Things look pretty hopeless from where she's sitting. Breathing deep, she takes out her sidearm. Gets to her feet, gun aimed defensively ahead of her. And heads back into the haze toward the Raider.

Grunting against the pain in her knee, she makes her cautious approach. She nears the "head" of the ship, her gun never wavering from its giant red eye. There's a torrent of congealed blood pouring from one corner of the eye, and Kara sees the source: a large, round blast hole.

She touches the "wound" and laughs in recognition.

KARA  
>Not bad shooting, if I do say so myself.<br>(to the skies)  
>Lords, I owe you one. Looks like I found my ride out of here.<br>(to the Raider)  
>If I can fix you up.<p>

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. RED MOON SURFACE - LATER

Starbuck is underneath the Raider, trying to find a loose panel in its underside with her knife. She prods at a circular knob at the joint of one panel. It yields like rubber. She pushes it in with two fingers. The panel slides open. Kara gasps.

Underneath the metal is a mass of red, biological tissue.

KARA  
>(shocked)<br>Frak me. Are you... alive?

Holding tight to her knife with both hands, she thrusts it into the tissue. Starts sawing.

CUT TO:

INT. RAIDER COCKPIT - MOMENTS LATER

Kara squeezes into the Raider.

KARA  
>(with effort)<br>Oh... my... gods.  
>(beat)<br>You bite me and I'll bite you back.

Her body halfway in, she looks around, her flashlight beam moving in the semidark. More ropy organic tissue hangs within the cockpit. The sinew is merged with the mechanical elements.

KARA  
>So, I guess the only thing flying you... is you.<p>

She notices one large, central nub. Grabs it.

KARA  
>This must be your brain.<p>

She tears it out, chucks it over her shoulder.

KARA  
>I don't think you'll need it. It's a good thing I brought one of my own.<p>

She checks her oxygen level.

THE GAUGE IS IN THE RED.

For the first time, real fear clouds Kara's face. But only for a moment. She gets back to the task at hand, crawling through the Raider's innards until she's fully inside.

KARA  
>Come on. You're part biological, right? Which means you need oxygen, right?<p>

She pulls out her knife. Flicks it open. Starts digging into the organic material.

KARA  
>It's gotta be here... somewhere.<p>

There's a black tube that runs along the wall, covered in red tissue. She slices it. A HISSING sound fills the ship.

Kara flips open her small, silver atmosphere tester. She points the end of the hissing tube at the exposed red strip. The strip turns **green** on contact.

Looks good. Kara takes off her helmet. Sticks the slimy tube in her mouth. Sucks the air in deep. A beat of closed-eye relief, and then it's back to business.

She hastily starts pulling off her flight jacket.

KARA  
>(around the tube)<br>First on the list: sealing you up, figure out what controls what.

Down to her undershirt, she wads the jacket together with biomatter and stuffs it in the bullet hole in the raider's face. The wind's whistling ceases.

Kara looks around her. Stretches out her arms and legs, feeling around for controls she can use.

ON KARA'S BOOT-CLAD FEET

Moving into a nest of black tubes, settling into grooves.

ON KARA

Fairly confident that she's secure, she spits out the air tube. Oxygen blows steadily into her face. She closes her eyes and breathes.

Then sniffs. A small grimace.

KARA  
>One of us needs a bath.<br>(beat)  
>Okay. Now you're gonna teach me how to fly.<p>

She shines her flashlight on the components around her, searching. She recites to keep her nerves at ease and focused.

KARA  
>Every flying machine has four basic controls. Power, pitch, yaw, and roll.<br>(beat)  
>Where are yours?<p>

She spies a sinewy lever to the left of her. Notices a matching one to her right. Kara gathers her resolve.

KARA  
>Okay, so it either works, or it doesn't.<p>

She puts the flashlight in her mouth, then tenderly takes hold of each lever. Pulls them toward her.

KARA'S FEET

Pushing down. They're illuminated by a wash of red light. A low HUM fills the cockpit.

ON KARA

Expectant. Did it work?

EXT. RAIDER - DAY

The Raider isn't moving.

INT. RAIDER COCKPIT - DAY

Kara's brow furrows. She really wasn't expecting her intuition to fail her. She tries again, pulling the levers harder.

The hum gets LOUDER. But there's a new quality to it, it sounds... animalistic.

Kara doesn't pick up on it. She's just trying to figure out why she doesn't have liftoff.

CLOSE ON KARA'S LEFT FOOT

Nestled in the tubes. A slippery SQUISH as a small tube next to her boot slowly tightens around the leather sole.

KARA

She felt that, but isn't sure what to think. She looks back.

BEHIND HER

Nothing looks out of the ordinary, except for the red light emanating from the rear.

KARA

She returns her attention to the controls in front of her. Breathing a little faster.

KARA  
>(around the flashlight)<br>Come on baby, give me something.

She lets go of one lever, then digs her fingers into the muck below her, searching by touch for the next option. She grimaces in disgust.

CLOSE ON HER FINGERS

Digging through the tissue.

ANGLE: KARA'S FEET

More black tubes begin to wrap around Kara's ankles.

KARA

She stops digging. Her eyes go wide. Cautiously, she reaches for her sidearm.

HER HOLSTER

Her fingers touch nothing but air.

ON KARA

KARA  
>Okay, that's something.<p>

She slides forward as much as she can, trying to extract her legs from the tubes.

HER UNINJURED LEG

She slowly pulls it under her, bending at the knee. The top of her boot catches on the tubes, and it slips off.

ON KARA

She tries to do the same with the other leg. CRIES OUT in pain. With her busted knee, that leg isn't going anywhere.

She turns on her side, moving dripping tendrils out of her way. Extracts her knife. Then stretches toward her trapped ankle, cutting the tubes around it. They HISS fluid.

Kara flops back onto her stomach, looking accomplished.

KARA  
>Damn right.<br>(beat)  
>Let's give it another go, shall we?<p>

She grabs the two levers, determined.

KARA  
>And no excuses this time.<p>

CLOSE ON HANDS

With a sinewy SNAP, more tubes whip around Kara's wrists, binding them to the levers.

ON KARA

In shock. The flashlight drops from her mouth.

KARA  
>Frak! It's alive!<p>

She tugs, trying to free her hands. But the tubes are too tight. She searches desperately for her knife. It's gone. Lost somewhere in the muck.

KARA  
>That's not...<p>

She trails off, her nose crinkling. Something's happening behind her. She cranes her neck to look.

BEHIND HER

Gooey tubes are tightening around her ankles.

CLOSE ON KARA

Reacting. There's a low, animalistic GROAN from the raider. Kara freezes in terror.

ANGLE: KARA'S FEET

A dripping tendril stretches from the wall. It tentatively prods at Kara's now bootless left foot. Her foot twitches, as Kara tries to move it away. But it's got nowhere to go.

TIGHTER ON HER FOOT

The tendril begins tugging at Kara's sock.

ON KARA

Gaping, unsure what's happening. She looks back at her hands.

More slimy, organic tendrils are working their way up her bare arms. She CRIES OUT in disgust.

KARA'S FEET

The first tendril has wormed its way into her sock, with others working on her other boot. She tries shaking them off, to no effect.

TIGHT ON KARA

She shudders at the sensation.

KARA  
>Eeeugh! Not good, Kara, not good.<p>

KARA'S ARMS

The tendrils are past her elbows now, and still climbing.

KARA'S LEFT FOOT

With a SQUELCH, the first tendril pulls Kara's sock free. Two more immediately set upon her foot, prodding and sliding against bare skin.

CLOSE ON KARA

Face frozen in wide-eyed surprise. A beat, and she breaks into a mile-wide grin. She can't help it.

She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to maintain composure.

KARA  
>(shaky)<br>Keep it together, keep it togeth- ah!

KARA'S LEFT FOOT

A couple tendrils have worked their way between her toes, with another leaving a slimy trail as it circles along the ball of her foot. She scrunches and shakes her foot, but they stay on strong.

TIGHT ON KARA

Face reddening, mouth twisting between mirth and disgust. Her voice cracks with each irritating prod.

KARA  
>G-gah! No, this is not fr-AH-akking good. I have- EEK! Have to get out of here...<p>

She tenses her whole body. Thrashes, trying to break free. It's useless.

KARA'S ARMS

The tendrils from the levers are wrapped like ivy up each arm. Now the tips stretch, slug-like, into her exposed armpits.

KARA

Instantly tries to pull her arms down. But they're not moving far enough.

TIGHTER ON KARA

Clamping her mouth shut. She's remembering what happens when she's touched under her arms.

KARA'S FEET

On her left, tendrils of biomatter poke and prod at her instep, with others slipping between her toes.

On her right, we can glimpse similar movement happening within her sock.

TIGHT ON KARA

Eyes squeezed shut, trying to hold back laughter. Embarrassed by her weakness and determined not to let it get the better of her.

KARA'S LEFT SIDE

A tendril slides along the concave of her armpit, continuing into her undershirt.

KARA'S EYES

Popping open.

KARA'S MOUTH

Biting her lower lip. Corners twitching into a smile.

KARA'S SIDE

From the moving lump in her shirt, we can track the steady progress of the tendril crawling over her ribs.

KARA

She can't take it anymore. Her LAUGHTER explodes. She thrashes madly. Kara Thrace, badass Viper pilot, is a ticklish mess.

Her energy seems to throw the ship's innards into overdrive. The tendrils on her arms tighten.

KARA'S FEET

Her soles are suddenly bathed in a burst of red light. As if triggered, the tendrils writhe frenetically. More biomatter branches off, crawling into her pant legs.

KARA

Nearly hysterical. Through her laughter...

KARA  
>(to the Raider)<br>I swear, I'll rip you apart! Frakkin'... piece of...

The engines ROAR to life.

EXT. RAIDER - DAY

In the swirling clouds of dust, the Raider begins to lift off from the ground. The thrusters are HUMMING.

INT. RAIDER COCKPIT - MOMENTS LATER

Kara's breath catches in her throat. Her eyes shift from side-to-side, anticipatory. Then she LAUGHS- but this time, it's almost victorious.

KARA'S LEGS

The tendrils have stopped moving.

KARA'S ARMS

It's the same story here. The ship has essentially form-fitted itself to Kara's body.

EXT. RAIDER - DAY

The Raider is a good thirty feet off the surface now and climbing.

INT. RAIDER COCKPIT - DAY

Kara relaxes, residual CHUCKLES trailing off. In control of her faculties again. She grips the levers with newfound confidence. The ship jolts slightly, but her smile says that's what she's been looking for.

KARA  
>(something like affection)<br>Oh, you stink, and I don't care for your handshake, but you're one hell of a flying machine.

EXT. RED MOON SURFACE - MOMENTS LATER

The Raider takes off with a burst of speed.


End file.
